Loathing
by Nota Bene
Summary: Meredith hated her, or at least she tried to...A short oneshot about Meredith's feelings when Derek decided to stay with Addison season 2


Loathing

disclamer: i like to think that i do in fact own Grey's Anatomy-apparently, my mind isn't reality. :-(

authors note: i was bored and i was listening to 'wicked' and i came up with this one-shot. it's set after Derek decides to stay with Addison. It's Meredith's thoughts, not during any specific episode, just in general.

hope you guys enjoy!!!

_Loathing_

_Unadulterated loathing_

_For your face,your voice, your clothing_

_Let's just say, _

_I loath it all_

_Every little trait however small_

_Makes my very flesh begin to crawl_

_With simple utter loathing._

_There's a strange exhilaration _

_In such total detestation_

_It's so pure so strong_

_Though I do admit it came on fast_

_Still I do believe that it can last_

_And I will be loathing you_

_My whole life long_

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'I hate her!!!' Meredith Grey thought to herself as she got into her car to drive home from the hospital.

She slammed the door shut behind her and banged her fists against the driving wheel.

'I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!!!'

She was talking of course about one person. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. Who did she think she was to just march over here from New York after having an affair with her husband's best friend, to try and work things out with said husband.

Seriously?

Where the heck does she even come up with the idea that things could work out between them? She cheated on him, friggin' cheated and she expects him to just get over it and want to work things out??

Seriously?!?!

Meredith pulled out of the parking lot so fast that she almost ended up on the sidewalk across the street. She was so pissed off.

As she drove in the direction of her house, she couldn't stop thinking about how much she hated Addison Shepherd at that moment. And Derek.

How the heck does he come to the conclusion that he has to stay with her? He had started a relationship with Meredith. Who cares if he was already married, he had made a commitment with Meredith, and he should have chosen her instead of Addison. Besides, they were better together. Screw it if it was a biased opinion.

Addison hurt him. Not like i-forgot-your-birthday-hurt him, but rather the come-home-one-day-and-see-your-wife-cheating-on-you-with-your-best-friend-hurt him.

Meredith slammed on the breaks as she came to a red light.

"Bitch!!" Meredith grumbled in complete frustration. All she wanted at that moment was to hate Addison. Nothing else but to hate her.

After pulling up to the house, she slammed the door closed and ran up to the front door. She threw it open and stomped up to her room. She was so frustrated and pissed off. Just when things were looking up in her life, they get screwed up.

It wasn't fair!!

Meredith paced fervently across her room, one hand gripping her side, the other continuously running through her hair. She kicked the leg of the bed fiercely. It hurt.

"Damn it!" she cursed as she grabbed her throbbing foot.

Meredith sat down on the edge of the bed quietly, still nursing her injured limb. She glanced at the group of pillows against the headboard and then out the window.

It wasn't fair. Derek should have picked her! Her, not little miss perfect OBG/YN top neonatal specialist genetic counselor whatever the hell she was, whatever else went with her friggin' perfect name-Addison Montgomery-Shepherd.

In the process of her little mental rant, Meredith had grabbed a pillow from the huge pile on her bed and started swinging it around, hitting whatever was in the way.

She pulled the pillow against her face, muffling her scream of frustration.

Just because Addison was Mrs. McDreamy, that didn't mean anything. Derek should have just given her a divorce and gotten over it, moved on. Infidelity shouldn't be something you decide never happen and then move back with your cheating wife damn it.

Meredith got off the bed and started smacking the pillow against it.

'He should hate her, everyone should hate her, I should hate her...'

The rant continued. Feathers were flying all over the bedroom. She wanted to hate Addison Shepherd with all the energy that existed in her body.

Hate her with a passion. But she couldn't. The friggin' woman was completely un-detestable!!!

It wasn't fair!!!!

Meredith threw the pillow aside, disturbing the feathers that had settled down.

Addison Shepherd should be hated. She had cheated on her husband. Who would cheat on their husband? that was just wrong, absolutely completely wrong. Unforgivably wrong! Yet she had, and with her husband's best friend no less. Who does that?? It wasn't like it was just any husband either, it was goddamn McDreamy!

Who in their right minds would cheat on him???? She was screwed up.

Meredith was tempted to pick up another pillow, getting yourself to hate someone was hard work. And that was the problem. Hating Addison.

It was impossible to hate her.

She wasn't rude, bitchy, or mean-to anyone. Even to Meredith, and god knew she should be.

She had come all the way out to Seattle to work things out with her husband and found him having an affair. Meredith should've been hated by her. But she wasn't. In fact it was quite the opposite. Addison was nice to her. Not just nice. She was friendly, smart, gorgeous, and nice and everything else you could possibly be to be considered perfect.

That's what it was. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd was perfect.

She was friggin' perfect!!!

Meredith stifled another scream with a pillow. Seriously, Addison couldn't be hated. Derek chose to stay with her, not with Meredith. They were going to work out their marriage. Addison was going to stay in Seattle.

Considering how hard it was to hate her, Meredith gave up. Forget it. It wasn't worth the energy.

And maybe, in the long run, they could be friends…

Yeah, ok, maybe not. But they didn't have to be enemies necessarily.

Meredith was still frustrated, but she'd get over it. It was part of the process. Things would work themselves out in the right time, and now just wasn't the right time.

Resigned from her hating efforts, Meredith stood up and looked around the room.It was a mess, the pillow case was completely flat and its contents were strewn about the room. It had been a yummy fluffy pillow-one of her favorites.

Meredith shrugged. It was just a stupid pillow. She'd get over it in time. Time would deal with it. Time deals with everything.

Time heals and in time, she'd heal from the hurt of being the dirty mistress. In time, she'd be ok again. In time, Addison and Derek would be happy again and their marriage would be alright again. It would be perfect.

Their lives would be perfect.

Swiftly, she grabbed another pillow, and more feathers were rapidly added to the fray.

'Damn them'

Meredith knocked the pillow around a little longer. Once finished, she glanced around again at the mess.

She felt much better.

authors note: well, that's it folks, i hope you liked it.

review and let me know!!!!!!!!!!!


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